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Caring can be a 24 hour a day job. with little time for rest or recuperation for the caregiver. Carers and caregivers are often the unsung heroes of many families, homes and lives these days. They may be helping family members for any number of reasons. They might work in the area of assisting others with a disability of some kind on a day to day basis. The general public often doesn’t understand the enormous pressure this can place on all our caregivers.
Carers often have to do things and deal with things that are difficult and often unimaginable for those outside the situation. In many cases they can be on call 24/7/365. Quite often they receive little reward or recognition. This is a huge thing for anyone to deal with. While there are no doubt differences between being a caregiver in a home situation and being a first responder, when it comes down to it, what anyone who does these kinds of jobs requires is very similar. This article is aimed at giving the care givers and first responders who selflessly dedicate their lives to helping their wards to live a better life, some techniques to both assist them to deal with these stresses as well as some relaxation techniques to help them unwind.
I recently saw a question on reddit where someone was asking what advice people had been given that had stuck with them for the rest of their lives… that they still used today…
Many years ago when I was training as a Psychiatric Nurse, my nurse educator gave me some advice that has stood the test of time and has been vital to my work over many years as a clinical hypnotherapist. I want to share it with you now.
He quite rightly said that jobs like psychiatric nursing often place you in a position where you are likely to get emotionally involved with the people you work with. A nurse will often be working in the same ward for months at a time and will become very familiar with the history of the patients in that ward. He went on to say, that as a nurse or first responder, it is not our job to get emotionally involved in our patient’s lives. Of course we can have empathy and sympathy for our clients or patients, indeed, for most people in these professions, that is a given, so we have to find a way to take one step back from the emotional aspect of the situation we often find ourselves in. In this way, we can more effectively do the job at hand. The client or patient’s experience is not “our stuff”. To some of you, this may sound cold and heartless. It is not. It can be essential both for the client and the caregiver to achieve the best results. This kind of job can be one of the most rewarding professions, but it can also be incredibly tiring and stressful. To be truly effective, you have to be able to do your job and find a way to move on from whatever you may experience in that job as well as take personal time to relax and unwind. If this is not done, it can lead to extreme stress or anxiety and even PTSD or other mental illness problems for the carer. Giving yourself the time to relax and unwind is essential to overall well-being.
On the other hand, many carers these days find themselves compelled to working with family members or clients day after day and perhaps year after year, sometimes even without pay. It can be particularly the case when taking care of a family member or loved one in decline. This can place the caregiver in a situation where they feel helpless and seemingly have no alternative except to continue taking care of the patient, as I say, often a loved one. The support systems are not always adequate for individual situations and sometimes the temptation to turn to alcohol or drugs rears its head as a way to alleviate the stress. This of course just causes more problems.
At the end of this article I have included a guided, self hypnosis relaxation exercise you can listen to, aimed at helping carers, or indeed anyone, to alleviate stress and to help you prepare for every day in a more relaxed way. To give a you a reusable timeout. Practising relaxing is important. You need to practise when you don’t need it so that you have it when you do need it. It is a skill that can be surprisingly easily learned and maintained with some very simple practise habits.
One of the most important things for a carer or caregiver, first responder, nurse or Doctor is to be able to focus on the job at hand, despite the often chaotic situations they find themselves in. As mentioned above, this ability to take a step back and take stock of the situation is vital to everyone’s well-being.
Stress management techniques and simple exercises can help to alleviate many of these pressures, as well as make us more resilient in the very tough times.
Stress is a relative term. Some people are stressed by things that others take in their stride and sometimes vice versa. In either case, it is important to have simple techniques that can be incorporated into our day to day routine to assist with the times of maximum pressure.
Sometimes life is harder for the caregiver than for the patient. Everyone rallies around and supports the person with the illness, not so much the caregiver… If someone is taking care of a cancer sufferer, in many ways, both of them have the cancer and are feeling the effects of it, just in different ways. The caregiver often spends as much time in hospital or going to Doctors as the patient. Waiting, worrying, often dealing with everyone else’s stress, rarely their own.
Many caregivers find that there is not much time for them. It can be hard to take care of themselves adequately. These kinds of jobs or tasks require as stable a base as possible to work from. But the pressures can be overwhelming. This is why the caregiver must take care of themselves, by “taking that step back” and recognising not only that they deserve to take care of themselves but that they must give themselves permission to take care of themselves. Because they will often be unrecognised or overlooked on a day to day basis, it is vital for the caregiver to recognise the importance of having a strategy to deal with and satisfy their own needs and requirements in maintaining their own health.
Caregivers can end up feeling guilty if they feel frustrated or get angry because of their situation. It can be a Catch 22 situation where they know they have to take care of themselves but their job or perceived responsibilities to their patient always takes priority. I maintain that it is vitally important to take care of your self in this situation because otherwise you will have no energy for either of you and you will both suffer as a result. Again, taking that step back.
Another aspect of being a carer is the fact that you feel as if you have to be strong all the time… It can be like the juggler at the circus, spinning plates on the tall sticks, feeling as if you can’t let the plates drop. You have all seen the juggler, no space and no time dashing around keeping all those plates spinning, there seems to be no time for the carer to be weak or human, they are just expected to carry on regardless. When you have to be strong like this all the time you get exhausted. Anyone would get exhausted. This makes it even harder. Feeling that you always have to be the strong one. No-one can easily do that and you should not expect it of yourself.
Sometimes you might feel like you want to cry or just give up and you can’t because you have to be strong, you have to maintain the focus and energy in the space you are in.
Just trying to make it from one minute to the next can be daunting. Getting short tempered or demanding is not an option, there is often no room for the carers feelings, just the work that has to be done.
It is like going through a portal into uncharted territory, particularly if it has been thrust upon you. Many carers find themselves forced into these roles. There are so many people whose partners fade into some kind of degenerative disease, mental, physical and often both. It can be extremely daunting, especially when it happens suddenly and one has no alternative but to take on this new full-time role.
Often it is difficult for the carer to grasp just how wonderful they really are for what they do while at the same time validating themselves, when all the attention is on the patient.
If you can find a way to give yourself a ‘mental massage’, to take even a few minutes to relax and unwind, it will really help alleviate much of the tension gained from this often too lonely journey. The relaxation I will begin in a few minutes will help you to get that mental massage you desire so deeply.
It is also important to understand and give yourself credit that you are doing the best you can do in the situation, which is all you can ever ask of yourself… to do your best…
Even though this moment might be a struggle, remember that you have not lost yourself.
It is so important to relax. So let us do that now.
Play this video for a relaxing and positive session to aid Caregivers, or indeed anyone wishing to relax and get some positive suggestions.